2012 in Review: To Be Better Than the Person You Were Yesterday

Before moving forward, I must not forget to be grateful and reflect on the year that I am leaving behind. I'd say that I have a whole lot to be thankful for, and that I learned quite a bit.
What did 2012 teach me? What was I able to capture and keep in my heart to bring with me on the journey ahead?

I was reminded that all things are possible if you find the power within yourself to keep moving forward. I know that we all have goals- we all set them, we all want to better ourselves, we all want to make a positive difference for others. Finding a way to overcome obstacles and hardships is a tough lesson learned, but a great one.

I was fortunate enough to feel this greatness when I finished by Bachelor's degree this year. What a bumpy, winding road my education took me on. Three schools, six years, and endless hours of excitement, disappointment, encouragement and tears. Walking at graduation was bittersweet- while I was so filled with pride and enthusiasm for the future, I was also filled with pain and hurt since my mom wasn't there to see me walk. While my heart was aching, I experienced one of the most unreal encounters, which will bring us to lesson #1:

My graduation ceremony was at the Meadowlands Stadium. A couple thousand graduates were walking, they all brought their friends, families and loved ones. Crowds. Lots and lots of crowds. I met up with my husband and my dad and sister to head back to the car to start making our way home. Out of nowhere, a woman called for my sister. We turned around, not recognizing anyone that could be looking for us. This woman approached, knew both my sister and I by name. Neither of us recognized her. She told us her name, and still, no memory of who she was. She started asking for my mom, Patty. We told her that our mom had passed more than a year ago. She was shocked, devastated and curious.

Long story short- it turns out that this woman, Donna, was a best friend of my mom's from her youth. They had fallen out of touch several years before, and hadn't seen eachother for quite a long time. Her oldest daughter was walking at graduation with me, which is how she ended up at the Meadowlands that day. She said she recognized features of our mom in both of us.

How did this woman find my sister and I in the crowd? How did she even recognize us after not seeing us for at least ten years? The whole thing just didn't make sense. While my sister and I were looking for answers, we came to one simple conclusion- our mom sent Donna to us that day to send a very special message- that she was indeed with us in times that we needed her the most. I don't consider myself a spiritual person, but I do believe that my mom staged that encounter.

Lesson #1: Be open to signs that you can't quite grasp- be willing to accept gifts that are not in material form, and believe that the people you love and care for always have your back.

Ted and I spent 2012 in Bushwick, Brooklyn. Brooklyn can be a dirty, unwelcoming place for some, and a peaceful, beautiful place for others. I saw both sides of the city during my time there, as I discussed in one of my previous blog posts. Perhaps lesson #2 is one that is more obvious, since you don't have to feel it, but rather, can see it. Bushwick and Williamsburg are some of the most polluted parts of the city- if my memory serves me right, they are technically a superfund site. Things should not want to grow in such pollution, but our little garden taught me quite a few things. While, granted, it wasn't the most bountiful or the most successful garden in our history, regardless- the fact that anything grew in such harsh conditions is pretty amazing.

Lesson #2: With time, patience and a little effort, beautiful things can grow in the most unforseen places. While yes, I am just talking about my vegetables, I think this message can be applied to a lot of things in life. With this mentality, and with the power of nourishment, we can help those around us to blossom into beautiful human spirits.

In June, I exchanged vows with my best friend. Ted and I have been together for more than five years now. We have been fortunate enough to travel and explore together, to challenge eachother, grow together, and most importantly, dream together (people often joke about the number of hours we spent staring at the world map hanging over our kitchen table). I am constantly inspired to do better and be a bigger person because of Ted. He shares the same passion for helping people as I have inside of me, and his encouragement, kindness, and huge heart always leave me feeling as though I can do anything I want to do, as long as I dedicate myself to whatever it is.

This special being is always teaching me things, always encouraging me to want more, always offering a listening ear when I need it. This expression of love is rare and beautiful, and I try to express my gratitude as best as I can and as often as possible. There are not enough ways to say thank you for all that he has done and will continue to do for me. Ted and I have had several discussions about love and how deep this feeling is, which brings me to lesson #3. When we ask eachother why it is that we love eachother, we usually agree that it is hard to describe. We can't quite put our finger on why we feel the way we do, but we understand that we share whatever this phenomenon is. Maybe there is such a thing as soulmates.

Lesson #3: Things I've learned about love: it all begins with respect. It grows with care. As we begin the next chapter of our life together in Namibia, I strongly belive that with the right amount of curiosity, sharing, communication, and understanding- we can go anywhere and do anything, together. What a beautiful thing it is to have someone to walk through life with.

While on the topic of love, have a look at a good friend of mine who has taught me so much- not through her words but through her actions. A friend who has made tremendous sacrifices for her son, who continues to keep moving forward despite difficult times and the odds not in her favor. This girl continues to inspire me, as she grows in more ways than I can count. Krista reminds me always about the beauty and power found in the gift of love.

Lastly, I have been overwhelmed by the amount of love and support shown to me by my family and friends. This has been a year of great change and excitement, and I am certain that without the encouragement from the people I love, I would not be where I am today. It might sound cheesy or cliche, but it is true.

I am reminded of how blessed I am each year at Walk MS, where my family and friends come out to support me and my loved ones in memory of my mom. I was given a tremendous hand in planning my wedding this year, and I was even thrown a surprise bridal shower (!!) of which I had no idea about. I was given priceless amounts of support when I broke the news of my acceptance to WorldTeach this September. Ted and I received open doors and hands and hearts when we needed places to stay this month. All of this was given to me without expectations for reciprocity or repayment. Where I am headed and where I am leaving behind is a reflection of what has been given to me by the people I care about.

Perhaps this brings me to my last lesson, lesson #4: Don't ever, ever, ever forget to show your gratitude. And, even more importantly, remember that the greatest gifts are not those of monetary value, nor ones that we can count or even hold in our hands. The greatest gifts are ones that are given without expecting anything in return- sharing time, showing support, offering a listening ear.

While great change lies ahead, and great things are resting behind me, I would like to remind my family and friends of how much I love them and how much I will miss them while I am away. I have been so fortunate to spend this last month sharing laughs, meals, and stories with so many people that mean so much to me. Thank you all for allowing me to grow as a human spirit- thank you for your nourishment, interest, and for inspiring me to keep moving forward. I will keep a little piece of each of you in my heart for the coming months and count on your positivity to keep me going during hard times. While most of the world might think I'm crazy, you guys have managed to remind me that with the right amount of courage, a bit of curiosity, and a little freedom, I can be and do anything my heart desires.

THANK YOU, and I LOVE YOU.

On the other side of fear lies freedom. Let us all remember this as we embark on the new year. All the best to you in the new year. May you find what your heart is looking for!

Omungwelume Secondary School in the Ohangwena Region!

See that yellow bubble in the top middle there? Closest to that other green bubble? Yep, that's where you can find me as of the new year.

We woke up to some super exciting news today- our Field Director in Namibia wrote us with our teaching assignments and placements!

I am very excited to announce that Ted and I will be living in Omungwelume, Namibia in 2013. We will be living among people of the Kwanyama tribe, a sub-tribe of the Owambo. We will have the great pleasure and challenge of learning Oshikwanyama, a dialect of Oshiwambo. Our home is about 30km North of Oshikati, a larger town in the Northern region of the country.

Ted and I will be living in teacher housing on the same property as the Eengedjo Secondary School where he is expected to teach grades 8-12 English and Physical Education. We have been set up with a three bedroom (!!!) house which includes a sitting room, a small kitchen with a gas stove, and a bathroom. We will have running water and electricity, although no hot water (I will be taking as many hot showers as possible over the next two weeks).

My school, the Omungwelume Secondary School, is about a fifteen minute walk from our home. It has about 500 students in grades 8-12, and only about 20 staff members (eek!). It looks like I will be teaching English, Life Skills, and Basic Information Sciences, which I am so incredibly thrilled about! My school has an updated library and laboratory, which sounds very exciting.

We also received a bit more information about what to expect for our Orientation period, which begins as soon as we arrive in Windhoek on the 30th of December. This training period will include cultural training, language learning, and teacher training/ practice teaching. It will also serve as a general introduction to life in Namibia and how to adjust to our new homeland!

We will be staying at Back Packer Unite (BPU) in the capital for the first six days. It is a cozy, hostel-style place with a communal kitchen and a pool! While orientation will be a really busy period of time, I'm hoping that we will still be able to explore the region a bit. Next, we will travel north to begin our teaching practicum. Lucky for us, the school that Ted will be teaching at will be hosting us for this time! We will partner up and work on practice teaching for four days, all while living in the dormitories that Ted's students will arrive at shortly after we leave. We then head back to Windhoek to complete one more week of training, and we will take a few trips to some fun locations around the city.

We will officially depart from the capital to our permanent site on Thursday, January 17! Then to begin the school year!

 

Continue to read your pre-departure materials before arriving, as it will give you some idea of what teaching and living in Namibia is all about! Although I am hoping for an exciting, informative, and fun Orientation, please mentally and physically prepare yourself for a busy and intense period of time from the moment you arrive. It’s a good representation of the adjustment process to living in Namibia in general. You will likely be living outside of your comfort zone and taking in a lot of new information, all the while fighting jet lag and getting to know 14 other volunteers. As always, patience, flexibility, and a positive attitude will help tremendously with your adjustment.

So, now that I am absolutely, positively, 100% distracted and excited and anxious, I am going to begin working on my language studies. I will also be indulging in all of the things I will be missing while I'm living abroad- like tofu, a washer and dryer, a hot shower, and an oven. If you need me, I will be baking as many vegan cookies as possible for the next two weeks. And also trying to fit in my TEFL observation hours, packing, and Christmas shopping.

Edina lange o Jessie. Ame omulongi omuliyambi. My name is Jessie. I am a volunteer teacher. Repeat x3.

IS THIS EVEN REAL LIFE?! I just don't know anymore. When I sit down to re-read and edit my blog entries, I feel like I am reading the fictitious tale of a very fortunate woman. Then I proceed to ask myself, wait, is this real life? Yes, yes it is.... See you in only seventeen days, Namibia.

Goodbye, New York City

Last Friday, we said goodbye to our home in Brooklyn, New York. After living in the city, I'm not sure what is more difficult about NYC- moving in, or moving out!
We managed to pack our entire apartment into a tiny U-Haul truck and re-locate it to an even smaller storage unit here in New Jersey. We shed a lot of our belongings along the way, but left feeling satisfied in this "cleansing" process.

Ted and I are now spending our final weeks in the states with our families, and my head and heart are feeling so many different things. I am beyond excited to start this new chapter of our life together and begin the journey as we make a positive contribution to the world. I am also in extreme disbelief that I am actually MOVING to NAMIBIA at the end of the month to start a new life. I also don't believe that I have been given the opportunity to give teaching a try. I am feeling so fortunate and am trying to share my gratitude and excitement with everyone I share this story with. On the flip side, I do feel a small amount of guilt for leaving, as in a way, my decision to move abroad is hard on my family and other people I care for. In some way, I can see this as being a self-centered decision, but I hope that everyone will understand that this is something I have always dreamed of doing. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I always understood that I'm passionate about helping others. Education is the most powerful tool you can use to change the world- and now, I feel as though I have the whole world at my fingertips. Finally, my dream is coming true and it feels so.... confusing.

Now back to New York. Let me set the record straight. While yes, I did spend a lot of my time hating on New York and picking apart all of its flaws, I think that a little piece of my heart was left there. Even amongst all of the negatives- the extreme suffering of the poor, the excessive lifestyles of the rich, the non-stop flow of propaganda and advertisements and politics, the sour smell of the "transfer stations" and sewage treatment centers... I think I still managed to fall in love.

Perhaps my attitude about New York changed over time. When I first arrived last July, I was entirely overwhelmed with all that this place was throwing at me. I didn't understand what a gift it was to have too many choices. I didn't see the beauty in being surrounded by so many alien cultures and smells and foods and different looking people and odd sounding languages. When reflecting on my life in the city, I came to realize just how lucky I am to have been able to survive in the most unique and cut-throat place on Earth (or so I think). Maybe I'm a lucky one, as I don't think that New York made me harder, but rather, helped to open my big green eyes to all the world has to offer. It forced me out of my comfort zone, and made me let go of a lot of my fears.

One of the hardest things about being a city-dweller is finding a focus. Something that I struggled with was getting sucked into a routine and seeking opportunities to be alone. In time, I began to understand that while New York is highly individualistic, it is also built upon the idea of sharing and collaboration. This can mean something as simple as sharing space- adjusting to crowded cafes and park benches and subway cars.

New Yorkers can be seen as "cold", but in reality, I think that everyone is fighting their own battle in the best way that they know how. Call it "rude", call it "insensitive", but New Yorkers taught me that people are generally good, and actually not interested in making others' lives more difficult or passing judgment. Usually, they are just so caught up in their own business that they don't have time to mind anyone elses. This place reminded me that the greatest enemy you will ever encounter is yourself.

I am grateful to say that I know how to use the subway and that I can navigate a city of eight million people without totally losing my mind. I have found ways to turn off my wandering mind and enjoy the beauty found in places and things that once were of no interest to me. I can to push boundaries, and most of all, I can keep moving forward.

New York wasn't all romantic and wonderful all the time, that is for certain. Knowing that people come to this place to find the "American dream" or to start a better life and end up with their dreams crushed is heartbreaking. This place is tough and brings people to their knees. Literally, begging on the streets. Seeing constant suffering can be so incredibly wearing and trying on the heart, and maybe the worst part of it is telling yourself that you simply can't help everyone who asks for your assistance- be it financially or physically. You simply can't feed all of the hungry or pick up all of the trash by yourself. 

View from our Bushwick rooftop

Making the transition from city living to rural village life in Namibia sounds like a real challenge (NYC has 8 million residents and 18 million people in it every day, while the entire country of Namibia has only 2.5 million, making it the second lowest population density in the world)  The most important thing I am taking with me is the idea that every place, be it a crazy city or a remote desert, has something unique to offer me. It is all a matter of finding a way to take in all that it shows you, learn all that it wants to teach you, and accept all that it provides for you. I'm hoping to find a new purpose in my soon-to-be home of Omungwelume.

Perhaps the greatest lesson that I learned from my city is that even in a city of millions where one might get lost in the crowd, it is still possible to discover new things about oneself, and maybe even find oneself among the chaos. That, my friends, is beautiful.

In the stillness of the evening
When the sun has had its day
I heard your voice a-whispering
Come away child

New York, New York

-U2