Goodbye, New York City

Last Friday, we said goodbye to our home in Brooklyn, New York. After living in the city, I'm not sure what is more difficult about NYC- moving in, or moving out!
We managed to pack our entire apartment into a tiny U-Haul truck and re-locate it to an even smaller storage unit here in New Jersey. We shed a lot of our belongings along the way, but left feeling satisfied in this "cleansing" process.

Ted and I are now spending our final weeks in the states with our families, and my head and heart are feeling so many different things. I am beyond excited to start this new chapter of our life together and begin the journey as we make a positive contribution to the world. I am also in extreme disbelief that I am actually MOVING to NAMIBIA at the end of the month to start a new life. I also don't believe that I have been given the opportunity to give teaching a try. I am feeling so fortunate and am trying to share my gratitude and excitement with everyone I share this story with. On the flip side, I do feel a small amount of guilt for leaving, as in a way, my decision to move abroad is hard on my family and other people I care for. In some way, I can see this as being a self-centered decision, but I hope that everyone will understand that this is something I have always dreamed of doing. I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I always understood that I'm passionate about helping others. Education is the most powerful tool you can use to change the world- and now, I feel as though I have the whole world at my fingertips. Finally, my dream is coming true and it feels so.... confusing.

Now back to New York. Let me set the record straight. While yes, I did spend a lot of my time hating on New York and picking apart all of its flaws, I think that a little piece of my heart was left there. Even amongst all of the negatives- the extreme suffering of the poor, the excessive lifestyles of the rich, the non-stop flow of propaganda and advertisements and politics, the sour smell of the "transfer stations" and sewage treatment centers... I think I still managed to fall in love.

Perhaps my attitude about New York changed over time. When I first arrived last July, I was entirely overwhelmed with all that this place was throwing at me. I didn't understand what a gift it was to have too many choices. I didn't see the beauty in being surrounded by so many alien cultures and smells and foods and different looking people and odd sounding languages. When reflecting on my life in the city, I came to realize just how lucky I am to have been able to survive in the most unique and cut-throat place on Earth (or so I think). Maybe I'm a lucky one, as I don't think that New York made me harder, but rather, helped to open my big green eyes to all the world has to offer. It forced me out of my comfort zone, and made me let go of a lot of my fears.

One of the hardest things about being a city-dweller is finding a focus. Something that I struggled with was getting sucked into a routine and seeking opportunities to be alone. In time, I began to understand that while New York is highly individualistic, it is also built upon the idea of sharing and collaboration. This can mean something as simple as sharing space- adjusting to crowded cafes and park benches and subway cars.

New Yorkers can be seen as "cold", but in reality, I think that everyone is fighting their own battle in the best way that they know how. Call it "rude", call it "insensitive", but New Yorkers taught me that people are generally good, and actually not interested in making others' lives more difficult or passing judgment. Usually, they are just so caught up in their own business that they don't have time to mind anyone elses. This place reminded me that the greatest enemy you will ever encounter is yourself.

I am grateful to say that I know how to use the subway and that I can navigate a city of eight million people without totally losing my mind. I have found ways to turn off my wandering mind and enjoy the beauty found in places and things that once were of no interest to me. I can to push boundaries, and most of all, I can keep moving forward.

New York wasn't all romantic and wonderful all the time, that is for certain. Knowing that people come to this place to find the "American dream" or to start a better life and end up with their dreams crushed is heartbreaking. This place is tough and brings people to their knees. Literally, begging on the streets. Seeing constant suffering can be so incredibly wearing and trying on the heart, and maybe the worst part of it is telling yourself that you simply can't help everyone who asks for your assistance- be it financially or physically. You simply can't feed all of the hungry or pick up all of the trash by yourself. 

View from our Bushwick rooftop

Making the transition from city living to rural village life in Namibia sounds like a real challenge (NYC has 8 million residents and 18 million people in it every day, while the entire country of Namibia has only 2.5 million, making it the second lowest population density in the world)  The most important thing I am taking with me is the idea that every place, be it a crazy city or a remote desert, has something unique to offer me. It is all a matter of finding a way to take in all that it shows you, learn all that it wants to teach you, and accept all that it provides for you. I'm hoping to find a new purpose in my soon-to-be home of Omungwelume.

Perhaps the greatest lesson that I learned from my city is that even in a city of millions where one might get lost in the crowd, it is still possible to discover new things about oneself, and maybe even find oneself among the chaos. That, my friends, is beautiful.

In the stillness of the evening
When the sun has had its day
I heard your voice a-whispering
Come away child

New York, New York

-U2